Being Single on Thanksgiving Day!
Such an exciting day yesterday.
Tears filled my eyes as I looked out at all the students that came to Awake.
Out of my head and into my heart.
My souls purpose, my dharma being realized.
Then giggles with my boys.
Driving fast over the rolling hills in Folsom.
It reminded me of when I was a young girl.
Driving fast in my dad’s firetruck in San Francisco
Me in the back with tears of fear streaming down my face.
Him in the front in total joy, living on the edge.
Then last night at the table with my boys and x-husband enjoying a meal.
No regrets and in deep gratitude.
Then the sadness hit…hard.
No special someone to text, to go home to.
No one to hug me and tell me everything is going to be all right.
It’s been a long time since I have felt that closeness with someone.
Where I was seen, heard and understood….where I felt safe
I could have easily gone into a story around that.
Telling myself there was something wrong.
That I would always be alone.
That I was unloveable.
But I stopped the story and allowed myself to be with the sadness.
To feel it
And to trust that it would pass.
And to know that it was just a moment - nothing was wrong
You see, there are many moments of sadness,
Many moments of joy
And one isn’t better than the other
One isn’t right or wrong
For me, being single at this moment in time is relevant.
And as much as I may want to fight it, fighting only creates more suffering.
And isn’t that what yoga is all about?
And finding peace within
Being with what is - in total trust and acceptance
So I drove home
The feeling passed
And as I dropped into bed
I was back into a place of ease.
I know the feeling may come back
Craving an arm around me late at night
Craving someone to hold me
And make me feel safe
But as my dad knew, there is joy in living on the edge
And as my teacher says "In this life you can either be free or die trying to be safe"
So for now I am learning to hold myself
To embrace my journey fully!
For everyone has a unique journey
The key is to accept your journey fully
To not compare
To not judge
And to deeply honor where you are at
Wishing you compassion, acceptance and love today! xo