Being Single

Being Single on Thanksgiving Day!

Such an exciting day yesterday.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked out at all the students that came to Awake.

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Out of my head and into my heart.

My souls purpose, my dharma being realized.

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Then giggles with my boys.

Driving fast over the rolling hills in Folsom.

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It reminded me of when I was a young girl.

Driving fast in my dad’s firetruck in San Francisco

Me in the back with tears of fear streaming down my face.

Him in the front in total joy, living on the edge.

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Then last night at the table with my boys and x-husband enjoying a meal.

No regrets and in deep gratitude.

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Then the sadness hit…hard.

No special someone to text, to go home to.

No one to hug me and tell me everything is going to be all right.

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It’s been a long time since I have felt that closeness with someone.

Where I was seen, heard and understood….where I felt safe

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I could have easily gone into a story around that.

Telling myself there was something wrong.

That I would always be alone.

That I was unloveable.

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But I stopped the story and allowed myself to be with the sadness.

To feel it

And to trust that it would pass.

And to know that it was just a moment - nothing was wrong

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You see, there are many moments of sadness,

Many moments of joy

And one isn’t better than the other

One isn’t right or wrong

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For me, being single at this moment in time is relevant.

And as much as I may want to fight it, fighting only creates more suffering.

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And isn’t that what yoga is all about?

Releasing suffering

And finding peace within

Being with what is - in total trust and acceptance

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So I drove home

The feeling passed

And as I dropped into bed

I was back into a place of ease.

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I know the feeling may come back

Craving an arm around me late at night

Craving someone to hold me

And make me feel safe

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But as my dad knew, there is joy in living on the edge

And as my teacher says "In this life you can either be free or die trying to be safe"

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So for now I am learning to hold myself

To embrace my journey fully!

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For everyone has a unique journey

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The key is to accept your journey fully

To not compare

To not judge

And to deeply honor where you are at

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Wishing you compassion, acceptance and love today! xo