My son, like all of us, has many emotions.And lastly as parents can we support one another rather than judge one another when struggles happen.
They come out in two main ways:
Pure Joy and Intense Anger
It has always been this way.
Since he was very young.
The anger piece been a huge challenge for me, but also one of my greatest teachers.
You see, I grew up surrounded by anger.
I hated it and didn’t know how to deal with it.
So I ran away as quickly as I could when I saw it in myself or the other.
But shoving it down didn’t really work.
It just showed up in destructive ways.
Violent acts to the self which impacted the other.
But having my son forced me to look anger in the eyes.
Forced me to find a way to be with it.
And bring it to the surface.
So last night when my sons anger was rising.
I held steady and stayed.
In the past I would have checked out.
Been angry that he was angry.
Desperately searching for ways to make him happy again.
But I have learned to be with.
And last night when the fury ended.
The truth came out!
He told me how he was anxious all the time.
Stressed out and worried about multiple things.
And even when there was nothing to worry about, there were he persisted.
Such a sweet moment of connection.
To truly see him.
And what was underneath the surface.
The more I can be with my own anger.
The more I can be with his.
And the gift in that is that it won’t go under ground and show up and self-destructive acts.
It is a journey that will continue
As he enters his 13th year next week.
It is a balance of seeking help from others, listening to him and trusting my own wisdom.
I share this with you because I know anger can be a challenging emotion for many of us.
And if we could find a way to be with it in a healthy way rather than make it wrong or bad we could see what’s truly beneath it and so many problems could be prevented.
One of the most challenging things to do as a parent but also one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to be with all parts of who they are~ for me it was so easy to love the bright beautiful charismatic side of him and to reject the anger. But as I’ve learned to be with this piece of who he is, his light grows and the struggle lessens.