Anger, Kids, & Acceptance

My son, like all of us, has many emotions. 
They come out in two main ways:
Pure Joy and Intense Anger
It has always been this way.
Since he was very young.
The anger piece been a huge challenge for me, but also one of my greatest teachers.
You see, I grew up surrounded by anger.
I hated it and didn’t know how to deal with it.
So I ran away as quickly as I could when I saw it in myself or the other.
But shoving it down didn’t really work.
It just showed up in destructive ways.
Violent acts to the self which impacted the other.
But having my son forced me to look anger in the eyes.
Forced me to find a way to be with it.
And bring it to the surface.
So last night when my sons anger was rising.
I held steady and stayed.
In the past I would have checked out.
Been angry that he was angry.
Desperately searching for ways to make him happy again.
But I have learned to be with. 
And last night when the fury ended.
The truth came out!
He told me how he was anxious all the time.
Stressed out and worried about multiple things.
And even when there was nothing to worry about, there were he persisted.
Such a sweet moment of connection.
To truly see him.
And what was underneath the surface.
The more I can be with my own anger.
The more I can be with his.
And the gift in that is that it won’t go under ground and show up and self-destructive acts.
It is a journey that will continue
As he enters his 13th year next week.
It is a balance of seeking help from others, listening to him and trusting my own wisdom.
I share this with you because I know anger can be a challenging emotion for many of us.
And if we could find a way to be with it in a healthy way rather than make it wrong or bad we could see what’s truly beneath it and so many problems could be prevented.
One of the most challenging things to do as a parent but also one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to be with all parts of who they are~ for me it was so easy to love the bright beautiful charismatic side of him and to reject the anger. But as I’ve learned to be with this piece of who he is, his light grows and the struggle lessens.

And lastly as parents can we support one another rather than judge one another when struggles happen.
Sending love. 

Allowing Space for Kids to Blossom

This boy brought tears to my eyes a good way.
When I picked him up from school yesterday (after not seeing him for 6 days) he didn’t want to speak.
We drove home in silence.
When we got home he went in his room and shut the door.
Heartbreak because all I wanted to do was spend time with him and speak (that is how I connect)
But it is different for him-so, I respected his wishes and allowed him to have his alone time.
He told me nothing was wrong-he just wanted time alone to work on a project.
Today I opened up my computer and the story he wrote last night popped up.
It was brilliant-about the the relationship between a father and son written from both perspectives~the emotional depth he articulated blew my mind.
Tears filled my eyes because it reminded me that we never know what’s going on beneath the surface.
It reminded me of the importance of allowing space for our kids to be who they are and in that their unique gifts will be revealed.
And to trust that all we do as parents is getting through to our kids-even when we don’t see it.
I have struggled with whether or not to label Nicholas. I even hesitate to talk about it because it feels somehow wrong. Maybe disrespectful of him? Or maybe because I feel I need to justify my way.
But I believe as parents we all have to find our way. Each child, each family is unique. And as we have compassion for ourselves and the other~let go of comparing and judging~the sacred journey becomes so much sweeter.